You may remember a few posts back, where I went on & on about my new guy and how great things were going.
And they were. They were going really well. Too well, one might say. From our first date he “claimed me” off the market, our connection was palpable immediately. We went from dating to almost married (not literally, just as far as comfortability) within the span of a couple months. Hindsight being 20/20, I guess it was too fast.
He lost his job due to some (already preexisting) problems with his boss. They got into it, his boss let him go. He called me on his way home, said if I wanted to come over, to please feel free. Immediately I was comforting, I told him we’d work thru it, I told him he’d get thru it – I was supportive and optimistic and everything he needed.
He owned his home and lots of “boy toys” including a corvette, a nice pickup truck, 4 wheelers, he had very nice things. When he and his wife divorced last year, he bought her out of her half of the house rather than selling it, so the plethora of changes their 2 children would go thru, losing the only home they’d ever known would not be one of them.
I am SURE he was stressed. He didn’t let on that he was stressed. I mean, he definitely knew he needed to find something else right away, but never indicated that he was concerned or scared or whatever.
During the time we were together, he spent a fair amount of money on me. We did lots of eating out, ordering in, going to the races for his racecar (which was expensive), going out, etc.., but never at MY recommendation. It was always his suggestions, he knew me being off work on medical leave, my finances were – challenging. I was perfectly fine with cooking him dinner (which I did 3-4 nights a week – I’d cook dinner at my house and BRING it to his house for him when he got home from work so it was one less thing he’d have to do…) and watching movies or sports on TV at night.
He introduced me to his kids, I was the first woman that happened with. His son is 9, daughter is 3…they both seemed to like me (especially the daughter) and there were no weird issues there (other than HIM feeling a little strange, which I completely get as I feel the same when I introduce someone to Haley).
So, perhaps you’ll be as perplexed as I was when, a few days after he lost his job – he just stopped calling. He blocked me on Facebook, didn’t return texts or calls. It was as if he just dropped off the face of the earth.
Now, had we just been on a few dates and this happened – whatever – no big deal. Hell, I’ve played the disappearing act in those circumstances a few times. But we were TOGETHER. It was official, we were a couple in the beginning of a relationship and he just completely blew me off without so much as a “this isn’t working”.
Now, I’m friends with his cousin on FB, and she was just as surprised as I was about this. At first, we were both concerned about his wellbeing….what if he was in a car accident, what if there was a home invasion, WHO KNOWS? She suggested I stop by his house, living only a few minutes away, but if he really was blowing me off (as the FB block indicated to me) then I AM NOT THAT GIRL. She attempted to reach him and also could not, was met with unreturned calls, etc..,
So she turned to her brother, whom he is very close with and her brother confirmed he’s fine – he’d just talked to him as a matter of fact.
So, whatever, I got blown off – didn’t know why but – sometimes these things happen. It hurt, I’ll admit it. I found him sexy as hell, I liked SO MANY things about him, I saw a future with him. He helped me to get past the whole Ray thing (I’d been on a few other dates with a few other people and no one could get me to get RAY out of my head but Scott….) but – you know – it was only a couple months, not 10 years so – onward & upward and all that.
His cousin and I remained friends. We texted here & there, communicated often on FB (rarely about him…) and decided we were going to remain friends regardless.
Now that it’s been a couple months, I sent her a message a couple days ago and said “Hey, no details needed but…just wanted to check with you & see how Scott’s doing, make sure he’s ok….?” to which she responded that she really hadn’t talked to him much but was going to her brother’s house that night and would casually bring it up and see what she could find out, all incognito & whatnot.
I have a thing on my FB that shows who I have either defriended or blocked, or who has done the same to me – and today? SHE DEFRIENDED ME!!!!
I literally have NO CLUE what I did to deserve this. From him, losing his job, freaking out over how close we were getting, WHATEVER his reasoning was – whatever. But now for HER to cut off communication too has me thinking that there’s obviously SOMETHING there that they are thinking about me that I have no idea about (I did NOTHING wrong in the relationship….that I know of…) and it’s driving me insane wondering what the hell it could possibly be.
She is NOT the type of girl that he could say “I don’t want you to be friends with her anymore so stop it.” and have her listen to him, so I know FOR SURE that wasn’t it. So WTF???
I know – bygones – what’s done is done and sometimes people come in and leave your life for reasons you never end up knowing, but it hurts to put your all into something and then be treated with such disrespect that I don’t even get so much as a “See ya!”
Anyhow, so that’s what happened with that Scott.
And I say “that” Scott because a week after all this happened, another Scott friend of mine (whom I’ve known a couple years and he’s always sorta had a little thing for me) expressed his interest and didn’t want to wait and have me “snatched up” like 1st Scott did right after me & Ray split and lose out on his chance again.
Now, 2nd Scott is a little older. He’s 54. The last time this happened was CHUCK and, well, those who know me know how well THAT turned out but…I actually really like older men. They don’t play the games the younger (and by younger, I even include men in their upper 30′s) play and they are just, well, a lot better in, um, different areas as well. Experience and whatnot, shut up.
Thing is, I don’t feel too much more than friendship with 2nd Scott, and I never have. We’ve always had a really great friendship – him hoping it’d turn into much more, and I’ve tried for the last 2 months to see if it would but it isn’t. I’m not ATTRACTED to him is the problem. He’s the greatest guy. We laugh and talk and he’s sweet and would treat me like a QUEEN, and I just don’t find him attractive.
But on the other hand, this is kinda working for me. After having my heart broken by Ray choosing drugs over me, and then having my heart broken by 1st Scott for WHO KNOWS WHAT, it’s kind of nice not to be emotionally invested whatsoever in this relationship. My heart is safe.
Thing is – is it fair to him? We haven’t discussed where we’re going, no promises for the future have been made, no declarations of how I feel have been said. I know he’s hopeful though and – if there’s no future then – what’s the point? But…still. Maybe this is what I need is a non-emotionally invested relationship for a little bit?