Around the time I lost my job, my car and my house (in that order) and found out I needed to have a pretty substantial surgery on my spine, I lost the “getup and go” to write. Some call it writer’s block, some call it depression, but whatever label you put on it – being a non-writing writer? Sucks. Not that I’ve ever written for money or accolades, or contests even. Hell, normally my writing was done on various blogs I’ve had over the years, but there has always been some variation of writing in my world until the last couple years.
From time to time, I’d pick up a pen, grab a notebook and sit down with the actual intention of writing… SOMETHING. On any given day, I can drum up an angry poem or a journal entry at the very least. Since 2008? Nothing. I even had a hard time rewording my RESUME let alone anything on the more creative side.
To say the last few years have been…
horrific, soul sucking, comparable to hell on earth…… trying (?!) is an understatement.
Most of you know that I was in a pretty awful relationship a few years back, one that tested each and every fiber of who I am (and was, because a lot of me died after the whole experience) and after I “recovered” as much as one can from being beaten regularly, I figured everything else would fall into place. You know, because that’s how life works, right?
Wrong. Not only did things not fall back into place, one by one every possible thing that could remotely crumble to pieces? Did.
Now, I am not even going to pretend that I didn’t make poor choices and contribute to my own temporary demise… because boy, did I. Even still, I was seriously beginning to wonder if there was some truth to the whole reincarnation theory, and that if so, perhaps I was Hitler in a past life.
But like they say, sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before things start to get better. I suppose the last few years, if nothing else, have given me an appreciation for things that for so long have gone un (or under) appreciated. Things like good jobs, money and the kindness of others to name just a few.
And this new found appreciation coupled with an amazing job I started in February, great friends in my life, and a boyfriend who has his faults but whom I love with all my heart – I’m getting that writing mojo back again. Hopefully you won’t be able to shut me up any time soon!! Just sit back and enjoy my crazy ass life – I know I am!