But I Don’t Wanna

In addition to food, exercise and overall health issues, I also struggle with those of the financial nature.  Over the last week, in doing all this introspection, about the whole of it all, I came to realize just how much all of this, all of my major issues in my life all come down to one thing:  self discipline.

I have never really exhibited this attribute that I can think of.  When I do the “right” thing, or make the smart choice, or the responsible one, there has always been a reason behind it other than it being the right thing to do.

When I quit smoking during my pregnancy – I didn’t just do it because it was the right and healthy thing to do.  I did it because I was PREGNANT.  And the moment I was no longer breast feeding any longer?  Back to smoking.

It took me a year to leave an abusive ex, and I didn’t end up doing it because it was the smart thing to do.  Well, I guess I did leave because it was the smart thing to do, but I didn’t RETURN because I finally told my parents what he’d been doing to me and I knew they would hold me accountable.

Me being unable to eat right, and save money and exercise all comes down to a simple lack of self discipline.  It’s like, if I don’t feel like I HAVE to, if there is no one warding over me to do it – I don’t.

Perhaps this is why I’ve always been drawn to strong personalities in friends and boyfriends.  It’s like I’m perpetually stuck at age 15 or something.

But if one has no self discipline, how does one start?  Part of the problem is that I fall in the “But I don’t wanna” box – and I really have no idea how to stop doing this.  With regards to spending money on eating out all the time, my good friend Katjack suggested leaving my debit card at home so that I’m not tempted.  This is a great idea, but how much more awesome would it be if I could just say to myself, “No, I’m not going to stop and get fast food because it’s convenient and I don’t need to spend that $10, I’ll just wait and make something.”  ??????

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One thought on “But I Don’t Wanna

  1. Kathryn says:

    First? It IS a great idea, I totally rock!! And second? I don’t think there is anything wrong with working your way up to self-discipline. Of course it would be great to just have it and be able to do it, but not all of us can be so lucky. So, leave the debit card behind and work your way to feeling you can take it with you without being tempted. Baby steps.

    If you don’t feel like you can dive head-first into the “diet” (I hate that word) thing, work your way up to it. Like I said before, if you’re eating McD’s twice a day and don’t feel you have enough self-discipline to go cold turkey, have it twice a day a couple times a week and drop down to once a day the rest. And work you way up to not having it on a regular basis.

    Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps!!

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