So when you’ve spent your life self medicating to keep from being in your own head (due to manic depression, due to childhood abuse, due to 38 years of basic awfulness and built up rage) and you make the choice to take away all forms of self medication, whether that be drugs, alcohol, friends, fiances, weed, opiates, etc., etc… what happens when you remember now why you started self medicating to begin with, only now you don’t HAVE any escape anymore, and you detest yourself (for no blatently apparent reason, just because that’s what abused children are taught is that they’re worthless) and you remember that you HATE being in your head, and as a matter of fact you’re damned miserable in life only NOW you alos don’t have the ability to forget about all THAT for even a brief moment.

Then what.