So my last post went on and on about the asshole ex from 5+ years ago whom I haven’t heard either from nor about other than a frightening encounter a couple years ago, whereby he wrote my license plate number down on a piece of paper, waited until I got in my car (at a Walgreens), slammed his hand against my car window with the plate number in it and said “I’ll be seeing you soon.”
So, of course, OF COURSE writing about him was BOUND to bring him out of the woodwork on some level – such is my life.
Last week his cousin contacted me that his mom (whom I was close with) was about to die (literally any minute) and he asked his cousin to contact me to see if I would talk to him.
Of course, my answer was and always will be a resounding HELL to the MOTHERF-ING NO, but it started me thinking – what in the hell could he possibly even THINK he has to say to me?
I mean – seriously. His mom’s dying and he’s feeling….WHATEVER….and, what, thinks an apology will suffice?
He wants to see how I’ve been?
I mean, honestly, what could he possibly be thinking…that I’d WELCOME a conversation (about ANYTHING) with him on any level??
Anyhow, onward & upward, enough about him – enough time wasted.
Things have been not so great for me (some things I’ve shared, many I have not). I’ve been on medical leave from work for the last 5 and 1/2 weeks because everything was getting so…out of hand. The depression was back in full force, the coming off of opiates, stress, money problems, yada yada yada – you name it, and I’ve been going thru it.
Today’s my first day back at work, I was nervous about returning to my previous 60+ hour work weeks. Worried I was going to be treated differently, that my teammates and/or boss was going to be upset at me for being gone, worried that the workload was going to be out of this world.
I came back in and was overcome with hugs and “We’ve missed you”s and all that, but perhaps even better – my boss brought me into a meeting room to catch me up on things and shared that I will be getting a raise in a couple weeks. Um – REALLY?
This is good news for obvious reasons, but also just coming off of medical leave to hear that is even better.
Now that my nerves about returning have subsided, I am sensing a renewed lease on things again. Having literally and figuratively hit ROCK BOTTOM over the last few months, it’s time I start this life anew and make some VERY NEEDED changes. It’s time to get healthier and make good choices for myself. It’s me to start LIVING life and not let life suck me dry. It’s time to take the bull by the horns and fucking DO THIS already.
Whatever THIS is. I’m ready.